Is it worth it?
by real elmo
Summary: When Starfire questions the purpose of living in an evil world, a voice from the shadows offer her a unique answer. Plz rr.
1. Chapter 1

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DAD. IT'S ALSO DEDICATED TO HOW DARK AND SAD LIFE WOULD BE IF YOU HAD NOTHING).**

IS IT WORTH IT?

"_What is this?_" Starfire asked herself, almost frightened to death.

She was stunned as she sat silently, staring at the wide screen TV. Blood, screams, weapons blaring, fire spreading like wild animals. It was all too much for her to comprehend. She picked up the TV guide and flick several pages forward. She wanted to know what this horrible program was called. She found the date's page and read the words that were printed.

"_Blood soaked guns: A documentary about the bloodiest battles of both world wars (May not be suitable for young or sensitive viewers)._"

Starfire never heard about neither and first or second world wars. She never knew Earth-humans could be so evil. But even with fear and horror filled in her heart, she continued to watch the documentary. As she watched, she wondered something. Something so deep, that even though many humans asked it before, no one has ever been able to give a straight 'Yes or No' answer.

"In a world so evil, so full of pain, so unfair and unjust, what's the point of living?"

**LATER…**

Deep in a dark silent room, almost engulfed in shadow, Raven meditated. Normally the others respected her need to meditate and left her alone to do so, but a gentle knock at her door told Raven that this wasn't going to be a normal day (well, as normal as a day gets when you're a Titan).

She broke her concentration just so that she could say the 'most welcoming words ever'.

"Go away Beast Boy and Cyborg. I don't want to be referee for your 'cool' new sports game."

"Raven." Starfire spoke softly through the door.

Raven recognized whom that voice belonged to.

"Oh, it's you Starfire. In that case…go away Starfire. I don't want to go to the mall with you just so you can try on hundreds of clothes."

"Friend Raven, please. I do not wish to do that right now, I actually need to ask you something."

With her attention grasped, Raven got off the floor and opened the door. An almost teary eyed Starfire stood right in front of her.

The saddest thing to do in life is to kill happiness. Starfire is, or was, a living example of happiness. But after seeing that documentary and having all these questions in her head, the only thing you can say about her now was that she was living.

Starfire spend several minutes explaining what happened. At this point Raven was starting to get worried. This wasn't like Starfire at all. Soon Raven walked over to her bookshelf, pulled out an old thick looking book, and gave it to Starfire.

"This might explain some things. I've never found it useful on my behalf, but I hope it helps you in someway." Raven said.

Starfire read the name that was engraved in the cover.

"_THE BIBLE_".

**A FEW DAYS LATER…**

Starfire's room was filled with stacks of books. Mountains of used notepads blocked your view of her bed. And a sea of videos and DVDs covered the ground. But, all these items had something in common. They were all about religion. Books about every faith in the world, notepads of every theory on the afterlife, and videos and DVDs of every documentary about believe ever, covered a once happy, but now frightened, alien. The deeper she went into this fear of hers, and more shocked she became. She had learnt many things while reading, taking down notes, and watching all the information she could get. She learnt about the 'Prophet', the 'Ten Commandments', the meditations patterns of the 'Buddha', the story of 'Muhammad' (the founder of Islam), 'Karma', 'Chi', 'Yin and Yang', 'Genesis', 'The Fall', and 'The Golden Rule'. But with all this information, also came the darker side of humanity. Different races, cultures, and religions had fought against each other for centuries. And for what? Nothing.

The pit that Starfire was falling into was getting bigger and darker. She was beginning to see humans as monsters.

"Is it worth it?" She silently asked herself as she put a huge heavy book down.

"Is it worth staying on a planet filled with such evil? Should I just go now and leave forever?"

In a strange way, Starfire sounded more like she was asking someone, instead of herself. And in an even stranger way, she almost wanted a response from nowhere. But what was the strangest was that she got a response from nowhere.

"No, it's not worth it." A voice called out from the shadows.

**IF YOU FIND THIS DEPRESSING, STOP NOW! IT GETS EVEN MORE DEPRESSING! BUT IF YOU LOVE IT SO FAR, KEEP GOING?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DAD. IT'S ALSO DEDICATED TO HOW DARK AND SAD LIFE WOULD BE IF YOU HAD NOTHING).**

IS IT WORTH IT?

"No, it's not worth it." A voice called out from the shadows.

Starfire jumped with surprise. She scanned the room for any sign that another person was in the room. The mountain of books, notepads, Video and DVDs blocked her sight. She felt incredibly tense. For about a minute or two she kept silent. She listened for anything. When nothing happened for a while, she remembered what she heard.

"_No, it's not worth it._"

The words echoed through her head. It rang clearly and fully. She gathered enough courage to speak out and ask a question to no one.

"What do you mean by, _No_."

There was a pause. Dead air passed. Starfire was just about to think that what she heard was her imagination, until she got her reply from nowhere.

"I mean that it's not worth it. Isn't that what you asked. I was just being polite and answering your question."

"Who…who…what are you?" Starfire stuttered.

Again a pause filled the room.

"Hello." Starfire said softly, as to not scare away who ever was in her room.

"…I'm sorry. But I don't understand your question. Can you please explain it?"

"Um…what are you?"

Starfire didn't mean to be rude by not explaining the question, but she didn't know how to make it any clearer.

"Well," the voice began, "If it helps, I don't know what I am either."

Somehow, a voice talking to you from nowhere saying that it doesn't know what it is didn't help to ease Starfire's tension. She soon ignored this and tried to think of something to say, but all she could think of was "_What do you mean, it's not worth it?_"

"Please tell me. Why do you believe it's not worth it?"

"Well if I didn't believe that it's not worth it, why would have gone and killed myself."

At this point of time, Starfire's tension level went through the roof.

"Are you…dead?"

Dead air sank down upon the room once again.

"Well normally when someone kills themselves they normally die." The voice broke the silence.

"What…what are you doing here?" Starfire asked, unsure what to expect as a reply.

"I'm here to answer your question, and to show you that death is a release from the pain of life. There's nothing to fear from killing yourself just to spare you from the strain of living."

Starfire was stilled confused by the fact that she was talking to a dead person. Raven had told her many times about ghost. She felt sorry for souls that weren't able to move on. A bit of disbelief kept Starfire from fully comprehending this situation.

"If you are a lost spirit, then please prove it."

A long pause filled the stale air in the room, much longer than any of the silent moments before.

"Look under your bed."

Curious, Starfire did as the voice said and, to her surprise, pulled out a long sword that was coated in dried blood. Sickened and disturbed, Starfire dropped the sword and screamed out for help.

The door flung wide open to let Robin rush in immediately.

"Starfire what's wrong!" He said, panicking that something happened to his favorite Titan.

Starfire told him everything. The question, the voice, the blood stained sword, she just let her emotions take over. As she rambled on, Robin searched the room to see if there was anyone or anything hiding. He couldn't see anything past the clutter in the room. This soon caught his attention more than his search for this voice. The more he saw, the more he worried. Starfire had been coped up in her room for at least a week or two. She hadn't spoken to any of the other Titans for the last number of days. She only came out for missions and for breakfast. Both she complete as quickly as possible. Robin was scared that his happy alien might be turning into another Raven (no offence to Raven fans).

"_She's been reading to much_." Robin thought to himself.

"Starfire, how long have you've been awake for?" Robin asked politely.

"I do not know. With all the reading I have done, I have not had much time to count the number of sun rises and sun sets. But I do know that I have been able to read all those books over there." Starfire said as she pointed towards the biggest pile of books.

Robin took one glance at the monster size amount of extremely thick books.

"Okay, that's it. You're going to bed."

Starfire tried to resist Robin pulling her, but tiredness got the better of her. Before she could do anything, she was tightly bundled under a silk blanket.

"There. Now please try and get some sleep. It's for the best."

"But what about the sword." She asked.

Robin looked around the floor but found only 'dust-bunnies' and pieces of ripped up paper.

"Please, get some sleep." Robin said before he turned on his heel and head towards the door.

"Robin." Starfire spoke, as she held her blanket up to her neck.

"Yes." He said, quickly turning around to face her. Robin was always like this towards Starfire. Always ready and willing.

"…Nothing."

Robin felt uneasy, but still continued his way to leave the room.

Starfire wanted to ask Robin the question. She hoped he had an answer for her. But so far the only one, who seemed to have a straightforward answer, was the voice.

She gazed around, unsure what to say.

"Are you still there?"

"I never left. I saw everything. Your friend thinks you're a psycho."

"No he doesn't. He's just worried about me."

There was a long silence. These momentary pauses were becoming familiar with.

Starfire thought to herself for a second while she waited for the voice's reply.

"_Why does Robin care? Why would he care? Am I worth it for him?_"

"Look at the floor." The voice returns.

Scared of what she'll find this time, Starfire slowly tilts over to the side of her bed. Lying on her pink carpet is the blood stained sword. Starfire isn't as surprised to see it now as she was last time. Driven by impulse, she leans forwards and picks it up.

"You can end it all now. You don't have to live in a world with so much pain and suffering. You can free yourself."

Even though it does seem like the only way out, Starfire is held back by something. A strange feeling that if she does this, she'll affect a love one deeply. But who.

As she builds up the courage to perform this deed, she pauses and thinks to herself.

"How do I know that you're not someone from HIVE, or a bad guy, or even Slade?"

"You don't."

Not exactly the reply Starfire was expecting.

"I will not perform this bad deed if you are a bad person."

The pause returns and echoes through the room.

"Look at the side of the blade."

Curious, Starfire peers down. To her it seems like a normal blade (except for the fact that it's covered in dry blood). Smooth side, sharp edge, mirror-like appearance, it seems normal, Possible only used once.

"Now close your eyes."

"What?"

"I'm going to prove to you that I'm not someone from HIVE or a super villain or even Slade. Now please close your eyes."

Troubled by the voice's request, she slowly shut her eyelids. Soon she can feel a slight humming vibration from the sword. She wants to look at what's happening, but she also wants to obey the voice's request since he's done so much and 'could' be correct with his statement.

"Open them."

Slowly she opens her eyes, gazes towards the blade, and is amazed to see that the dry blood stain has been replaced by and engraving that reads: 'Death is the third side of the coin'.

Both the engraving and what had happened confused Starfire.

"Do you know any bad guy who can do half the stuff of what I showed you? Slade would come close, but even he wouldn't be able to do that engraving thing."

Fear swallowed her whole. Starfire didn't know what to say.

"Why…why…why do you want me to kill myself?"

Something strange happened. Starfire felt weak and sleepy. The late nights studying had drained her of her energy. She begins to fall asleep. Before she dazed off, she managed to hear to voice's reply.

"Because I want to save you."

**THE NEXT MORNING…**

The pitter-patter of rain woke Starfire late in the day. About just past lunchtime. She sat up quickly in her bed. She looked down on her lap. There it was. Waiting for her like a little puppy waiting for his owner. She wondered if the sword was begging her to use it, or if she was just imagining it.

Her eyes wandered to the window. Grey clouds filled the sky as far as she could see. Rain poured from the heavens like a never-ending waterfall.

"Good day…the weather of this world is getting worst everyday. Twisters, tidal waves, hurricanes, earthquakes, floods, droughts, heat waves, blizzards, bush fires. The end is going to be hell. And most likely it's going to be soon. But you don't have to see it. You can spare yourself from it. End it now. Please…spare yourself."

"Why? Why do you want me to kill myself? You said you wanted to save me. But why?"

"Because you remind me of someone I wasn't able to save. I blame myself for letting her die."

The voice seemed to be talking to himself.

"Why didn't I do something? Why couldn't I have done something? I know that I couldn't do anything, but that's not good enough. She was in pain and she begged me to do it. But her father wouldn't let me. He was a malicious bastard. He made her suffer. She knew what was going to happen. She knew, I knew, and yet I failed her…"

The voice seemed to fade away.

Starfire was about to say something until the door opened up.

"Hey. I thought you might like some tofu on toast. Or as I like to call it, 'Toast-fu'."

Starfire stared weakly at the green changeling as he entered the carrying a tray with tofu, toast, and a cup of tea. He placed the tray on Starfire's lap. When she looked down, she was surprised to see that the sword was gone. Beast Boy noticed how pale she looked.

"Star, are you okay? You don't look so good."

She was about to say something until she saw a large scar on Beast Boy's hand.

"Friend Beast Boy. What has happened to your hand?"

"Oh that. It's no biggy. We went out to stop Mad Mod last night and I just got cut by one of his little British robot things. No big deal. Well, enjoy your breakfast…or lunch or something."

As soon as Beast Boy left, and Starfire set the tray to the side of her bed, the sword reappeared on her lap.

"He's lying. He's got cuts and scrapes all over his body. He fainted last night because of so much blood lost. Being a Titan is so dangerous. Do you think you can handle it if someone dies? Raven, Beast Boy, Cyborg, or even Robin. You don't have to go through that pain. You can end it now. Please, save yourself. I don't want to be guilty for not saving two people."

"I can't." Starfire as began to cry. Her tears fell on the blade of the sword, which made it seem even shinier.

The voice began to sound slightly angry.

"How far do I have to go to convince you to save yourself? We're all going to die anyway. You might as well die without suffering."

"But…I can't."

Stillness followed. Then the voice ended the silence by saying a name of place that Starfire would never forget.

"Old bridge cemetery. Opposite St. Artec church. The last row. Second last tombstone."

**OLD BRIDGE CEMETERY (STILL RAINING)…**

The huge rusty gates, for some strange reason, were the most welcoming things Starfire has seen in the past few days. From standing at the entrance, she could tell that the cemetery was old and filthy.

"I'll wait here for you okay." Cyborg said as he sat on the 'T-car'. He offered to give Starfire a lift to the cemetery. He was a bit curious as to why would Starfire would want to go here, but like the gentle man he is, he didn't ask any questions and gave Starfire her space.

Starfire slowly hovered down the narrow lane. To both sides of her there were graves cluttered together like cloud of sorrow above her.

She was a bit startled by the return of the voice.

"They died in wars. They died in hospitals. They died in the line of duty. Some even died making sure others didn't die. But they all died in pain. Remember what I said. Last row. Second last tombstone."

A few minutes of silence with herself, she soon arrived at her destination. She stood facing a tombstone that seemed perfectly dry in the never-ending rainfall.

She read the engraving out loud to herself.

"Kiaro Yamagushi. Died age 15. Died as a human, now lives forever as an angle."

Starfire wondered to herself. And even though she didn't know if the voice was still there or not, she still asked a personal question.

"Voice, who was she?"

**THE NEXT CHAPTER HAS SLADE IN IT, BEFORE HE BECAME SLADE. THE NEXT CHAPTER IS A FLASHBACK OF ABOUT TEN YEARS…. LIKE I SAID BEFORE, IF YOU FIND THIS TOO DEPRESSING, STOP NOW! BUT IF YOU'RE LOVING IT, GO ON AND READ SOME MORE?**


	3. Chapter 3

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DAD. IT'S ALSO DEDICATED TO HOW DARK AND SAD LIFE WOULD BE IF YOU HAD NOTHING).**

IS IT WORTH IT?

**10 YEARS AGO, JUMP CITY HOSPITAL (RAINING)…**

In the corridor, outside a private patient room, Conor Mc Machen, a black hair sallow skin young Irish teen, sat impatiently. He did everything he could to past the time. Every second that past seemed like a decade. He looked down at the floor continuously until someone sitting beside him.

"Hey. I thought you might want a drink."

Conor looked to his side and gave a slight smile to Tenchu, Kiaro's brother, and one of Conor's dearest friends. Tenchu was offering him a plastic cup of what seemed to be tea. Conor took a sip and tried his best not to spit it back out.

"Ugh…what the freaking hell in that?"

"A bit of whiskey. Irish whiskey. I thought you might be used to it."

"This might surprise you and your fellow Japanese friends, but not all us Irish folk are addicted to alcohol."

"Yeah. The rest of you are addicted to cigarettes."

Conor gave Tenchu the middle finger and they both busted out laughing. Conor ended the happy moment with a rather sad question.

"How is she?"

Tenchu didn't say anything. He just unfolded a newspaper. On the front page was a large picture of Conor in Kendo (Japanese sword fencing) gear. The headline read: 'Celtic Samurai'.

"The news is already out. They're calling you the Irish version of Miyamoto Musashi (famous samurai). I still can't believe that you won by practicing with your sword, that your father made for you."

Conor looked to his side. Tilted against his side was his trustful sword like a loyal dog. Gleaming in the light, the engraving seemed to be fresh and new.

"How is she?" Conor repeated himself.

Tenchu seemed to be ignoring Conor.

"Blah, blah, blah…the tournament started on Friday Evening and ended on Sunday Morning…blah, blah, blah…over twenty Kendokas competed for the grand prize of two thousand dollars…blah, blah, blah…oh, here we go. The winner, Conor Mc Machen, age sixteen, won against his opponent by dealing a strike towards the head area. Wow, look here. On page five they got a wonderful shot of you in mid strike."

Conor was beginning to get angry.

"Tenchu! Don't fuck with me! How is she?" he snapped.

Tenchu took a deep sigh. He turned to Conor and looked him in the eyes.

Conor's eyes were very unique. They changed color in different brightness of light and when ever he felt different emotions. In the light of the corridor, his eyes were grayish-green.

"She was shot. She was trying to steal something. A piece of weapon technology. Don't ask why, because I have no clue. They fired multiple shots. She lost a lot of blood. They given her pain-killers, but even with those she's in total agony."

"Can I see her?"

"Yeah. I'm going home anyway. I got to take care of my grandmother. Take care Conor."

Conor got up and walked in the room that he sat outside of all day. By this time it was night, and it was still raining.

An eerie blue glow seemed to fill the room. The light reflecting off the blue curtains of the room probably caused it.

Conor stepped to the side of the bed. He looked down on Kiaro like a guardian angle. His eyes were now a bright glowing brown. He was sad.

"I love it when you have brown eyes. It makes you seem like a little cute puppy dog." Kiaro said, trying her best to hide her pain but was failing ungracefully.

She looked to his side and noticed his sword. Conor saw that she was looking at it.

"I never leave the orphanage without it."

All this chatter was only wasting time for Conor.

"Why did you do it Kiaro? Why?"

Kiaro took a shallow breath in. She didn't have long left.

"My father. He said if I didn't do it, I would bring shame and dishonor to my family and our ancestors. He said that he needed it for his new project. He's making a robot army for some strange reason."

Conor was in disbelieve. It sounded too farfetched to be true. Like something out of a cartoon or something.

"Conor. Do me a favor."

"Anything."

"Kill me."

Conor drew out his sword, held it high and mumbled the words; "I love you."

He was about to strike, until 'someone' grabbed him around his stomach and forced him to drop his sword. It was a bulky figure in a trench coat.

Then a man in a grey suit walked into the room, accompanied by more bulky figures in trench coats. It was Mr.Yamagushi, Kiaro's father. Mr. Yamagushi walked over to Kiaro's bedside.

"I'm sorry father. I have failed you." Kiaro said weakly.

"Kiaro! You have nothing to be sorry for. It's not you fault. He forced you to do it." Conor yelled as he tried to break free.

Mr. Yamagushi pulled a small injection needle out of his inside pocket. He pierced it into her skin. Only a few seconds later, Kiaro began to wail in agony uncontrollability.

"Pain killers aren't good enough for you. I renounce you as my child."

Conor felt like daggers were stabbing him as he heard Kiaro's roars of anguish.

"How could you do that to your daughter? You're as cold and heartless as a piece of wet slade."

Mr. Yamagushi stood there looking at Conor.

"What was that last word you? 'Slade', was it? I like the sound of. Yes. It has a ring to it."

Conor used this opportunity to break free of the bulky figure's grip. He quickly grabbed his sword and slashed the person across the chest area.

The person didn't bleed.

Instead, the trench coat fell and revealed that the figure was a robot. All of the figures were robots.

Conor wasted no time wondering to himself. He sprang forward and slashed them all to bits. In under a minute, the room was filled with scrap. In ecstasy of instinct, he whirled and hoped to end Kiaro's pain. But he was amazed to find that his blade was stopped by another, which was held by Mr. Yamagushi.

"I see I'm not the only one who doesn't leave home without a sword." Conor said surprised, but tried to keep his emotions in check.

High-pitched rings echoed through the hospital as the two did battle. The only sound that could be heard besides this was Kiaro's screams.

Conor stepped to his side, dragged his sword with him, and managed to slash Mr. Yamagushi's forearm.

"Tell me child. Where did you learn to fight like that?"

"First off, I'm not a child. And second, lets just say that the 'Celtic Samurai' has a sparing partner in Gothem."

Mr. Yamagushi soon over whelmed his opponent and pinned him to the ground.

"The way I see it, you have two options. Like two sides of a coin." He began, "I'll spare Kiaro, if you become my… 'Apprentice'."

"And the other option?"

A smirk soon grew across Mr. Yamagushi.

"Fight me. Die. And let Kiaro suffer."

But then, both of them released that Kiaro had stopped screaming.

It was too late to save her. She was dead. Conor failed to fulfill her last dying wish. Whether he spent the rest of his live as himself or as an apprentice, it didn't matter. He couldn't live with himself.

He broke free of Mr. Yamagushi's hold, drew his sword, held it high, and plunged it deep into himself.

With his last breath, he told Mr. Yamagushi the words that Conor's father told him before he too past on.

"Death is the third side of the coin."

Mr. Yamagushi stood there. He looked around and took it all in.

"Slade." He said aloud to himself, "It has a very nice ring to it."

**I'M SORRY IF I SPELT SOME OF THE NAMES WRONG (MOST LIKELY I DID)…PLEASE READ ON (UNLEAST IT'S GOTTON TOO DARK FOR YOU.)?**


	4. Chapter 4

**I DON'T OWN THE TEEN TITANS.**

**I DO OWN THE PLOT OF THIS STORY.**

**(NOTE: THIS IS DEDICATED TO MY DAD. IT'S ALSO DEDICATED TO HOW DARK AND SAD LIFE WOULD BE IF YOU HAD NOTHING).**

IS IT WORTH IT?

**OLD BRIDGE CEMETERY (PRESENT DAY, STILL RAINING)…**

"_Voice, who was she?_"

"_Voice, who was she?_"

"_Voice, who was she?_"

Her words echoed in the air.

It took a rather long time for the voice to be able to speak. Talking in the human world takes a lot of energy from a ghost.

"She was you. She was sunny, happy, and energetic. She was a lot like you. Then she died. She died in pain, agony, and under torture. I failed to save her from it all. I loved her. But I won't fail to save you. Please. Save yourself. Kill yourself."

In the grave next to Kiaro's, the sword appeared. Starfire took it in her hands. She was convinced that the voice was right. She was about to do it, until she read the engraving of the tombstone next to Kiaro's.

"Conor Mc Machen. Died age 16. Stronger now than he ever was before."

Starfire yielded the sword.

"Before I do this, I must know. How did you die?"

The rain poured even heavier now.

"My father, I lost in a storm. My mother, I never knew. My brothers and sisters, I never had. My love, died because of my incompetents. My love's father, demanded me to serve him. I had nothing to live for. And so do you."

Starfire lost her grip on the sword. She knew that wasn't true.

"You had nothing to live for, or you had 'no one' to live for?"

The rain suddenly stopped.

No reply. There would never be another one.

Starfire heard a loud car horn.

"Star! We gotta go! Plasmas is loose again!" Cyborg yelled.

Starfire knew that even if she did want to kill herself, she couldn't. Because she had four other people to live for. And no matter how evil the world is, she wouldn't give it a second thought.

**PLEASE GIVE REVIEWS AND TELL OTHER PEOPLE ABOUT THIS…..PLEASE?**


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